I'm confused! Are you really running for Sheriff?
Yes! I am running in your district!
Wait, what? How? Do you live where I live?
The office of HayesForSheriff does not recognize county or state lines, so, I am running everywhere! My jurisdiction is limitless, like Batman, as I have diplomatic immunity granted to me via the US Constitution.
Why don't I see your name on my ballot?
Because I refuse to file the proper paperwork. This country wasn't founded on paperwork. It was founded on grit & sheer will--That's HayesForSheriff!
So, how do I vote for you?
Just write 'HAYESFORSHERIFF' across your ballot in black sharpie. They'll know what it means.
What's your platform?
1. It ain't none of my damned business! 2. You're ALL gonna pay!
I'm gonna pay?
I said what I said.
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